Weaning: A How To
Let’s chat about the thing NO ONE can prepare you for: weaning. The weaning process has so many components to it and there are so many ways it could go— that in itself feels a bit unsettling. There are the physical, mental, and emotional aspects that come with weaning, and oftentimes, trial and error is the name of the game. Because of this, it’s not as simple as someone just saying “here’s how to wean.” However, I do believe in options! Let’s go through some options with weaning so that the “unknown” feels a little more “known”. Like we have our own little cheat sheet with options to trial with our babies!
First, we must remember that all moms are different, all babies are different, and everyone’s reasons for choosing to wean are different. Just as the beginning of the breastfeeding journey looks different for everyone, the end of the journey will be different as well. Whether the process is baby-led, mom-led, or a medical situation, there are many possibilities for why someone is beginning the weaning process.
Baby-led weaning is baby wanting to eat more and more solids (yay!) and then naturally they begin drinking less breast milk (this isn’t instantaneous, but typically over the course of a few months).
Mom-led weaning can happen for a variety of reasons— usually our choice. Maybe mom met her goal of breastfeeding (whether that’s weeks, months, or years). Maybe there have been some hurdles and they’re just done. Maybe breastfeeding has taken a toll on their mental health and they feel that using donor milk or formula will help them be less stressed and anxious. Maybe it’s pregnancy, discomfort, fertility treatments, medical treatments, medication, baby being slow to gain weight, mom having to triple feed, or baby struggling with an allergy or reflux. Some moms get to a point of knowing they want to be done breastfeeding or pumping, but feel like they’re going to be “failing” someone else. You’re not failing anyone else. What you want to do is the right choice for you and your baby. If you’re done breastfeeding or pumping, you don’t owe anyone an explanation. Your choice is reason enough.
SOME examples OF HOW TO begin weaning
One common situation with weaning is that baby starts taking in more solids and nutrients (calories, fats, vitamins) from solid foods, leaving less room to fill up on breast milk. This would be considered baby-led weaning and usually happens over the course of a few months. There’s isn’t much for us “to do” differently, it’s truly baby “leading the way” in this situation. It may look like your baby taking fewer ounces in their bottles, spending less time at the breast, or lessening the number of feeds they want in a day. It’s so important to remember that all babies are different. Some babies will begin to prefer solids at a certain age, while others are more hesitant towards solids. It’s also important to remember that solids are a complementary food for babies under one year old. Their main source of nutrition must be breastmilk and/or formula, even if they have started solids. Therefore, if you’re choosing to wean a baby less than 12 months old, we need to ensure baby is still getting a proper amount of breastmilk (whether from your freezer stash or donor milk) or formula. We can not switch to whole milk until after baby is a year old.
On the other side of the spectrum, if baby is one year or older and beginning the weaning process, you can switch their milk feeds to whole milk if you choose (but you don’t have to!). With that being said, the benefits of breast milk don’t go away at 12 months. You don’t have to switch to whole milk when weaning at age one if you still have some frozen breast milk to go through or want to continue nursing. (Check out my Breastfeeding After One highlight here.)
I do want to note that sometimes parents confuse a nursing strike with baby wanting to wean. A nursing strike is when baby goes from nursing great to suddenly not wanting to nurse at all, seemingly overnight. (Check out my Nursing Strike highlight here.) Weaning is a gradual process that happens over the course of weeks to months at a time— this signals the difference between a nursing strike and baby-led weaning.
The process of mom-led weaning will look different.
Weaning typically should be a gradual process, not something that happens overnight– think weeks, to months. Our bodies like to be given the chance to adjust slowly and we have to remember this will be an adjustment for our baby as well. The slower you go, the less of a shock it will be to our body and baby. This is not always possible with different situations, sometimes faster is necessary, and that’s okay! As moms, we are so good at being adaptable and flexible, being thrown curveballs, and working through trials and errors. There are so many times you start the weaning process and things are seemingly going well, and you’ve eliminated a feed, but then a hurdle pops up (like teething or an illness) and baby wants to be at the breast more. It’s okay— it happens! Remember, not only is nursing for nourishment, but it's also nurturing. You can work through this! It's a setback, but it's not a failure. Be there for your baby and when baby feels better, try dropping that feeding again. That's where being flexible is important (when able!).
There are two weaning methods I want to explore. Remember every mom and every baby is different and we're all at different phases when we begin the weaning process, so take this information and suit it to your needs and situation.
The first method is “elimination”
It’s exactly what it sounds like. Choose one nursing session or pumping session and eliminate it over the course of 3-7 days, and then eliminate the next one until you’re where you want to be. It’s usually best to start with a session baby (or you!) isn’t super attached to. Meaning typically, the bedtime and/or morning nursing sessions are usually the last to go. Sometimes people assume an older baby will be easier to wean, but they are often a bit more difficult because they are used to and connected to the comfort aspect of nursing. Consider starting with that middle-of-the-day feeding. Let’s look at 2 different ages/situations below:
Let's say we’re weaning our seven month old. We are weaning our body from producing breast milk, but baby still needs a replacement feeding (bottle of formula or breastmilk) for the nursing session we drop (since their main source of nutrients should still be breast milk or formula at this age). A good example of a session to drop, in this situation, would be when baby eats their one solid meal a day- often around lunchtime. Baby may not be really hungry after taking some solids, so dropping that nursing session is not likely to cause much grief from baby. Also, it’s typically not a feeding mom and baby are attached to.
With an older baby, this process can look a little bit different. With a baby over 12 months, you do not have to replace that feeding with a bottle of breast milk or formula. You can offer a cup of water, frozen breastmilk, or whole milk with a snack instead (but truly don’t have to!). You can also try other distraction methods such as snuggles and closeness, reading a book, some milk and a snack, toys, or going on a walk. Distraction methods with older babies can take some trial and error. They know their routine and are aware that they usually nurse before they go down for their nap. This can be a hard adjustment for them. With Teddy, it took us a while to figure out what he would prefer for comfort when I eliminated his before-nap nursing session. We have to remember that nursing is more than just nourishment, it's also for comfort and connection. Oftentimes we think when weaning, our baby needs to be away from us, or they're just going to be trying to nurse and in turn get frustrated. This may be true in some instances, but they also want and crave the closeness that previously came from nursing. Rocking them, snuggling them, and reading to them are ways of letting them know you're right there and there to comfort them. Taking this time for connection can go a long way and can actually be super helpful.
When going through the elimination method of weaning, remember to keep yourself comfortable. If you need to hand express, use the Haakaa, or manual pump off a little milk to be more comfortable, that’s okay. Do not let yourself be uncomfortable, as this can lead to clogged ducts or even mastitis. Pump to relieve the pressure, but not to empty your breasts, otherwise your body will be signaled to keep producing milk for that feeding. When we eliminate the feed slowly, over the course of several days, our body gets the message that milk isn’t needed at that time, and will in turn, regulate down.
All in all the elimination method applies to both nursing and pumping mothers. We want to eliminate one session at the same time every day, over the course of several days. We do want to try to give our bodies the time to realize this elimination happened before starting to eliminate another session. That's why 3-7 days is a nice adjustment period for our body to understand this session is truly not being used. Your body will begin to downregulate when given the time. And like I said, everyone is different and everyone is weaning for different reasons, so some people will be able to spend less time between each eliminated session and some people will want to wait longer, and that’s totally fine! Do what works for you!
The next way to wean is through lessening
This method of weaning is when we lessen the time spent on each pumping or nursing session. You are shaving time off of one pumping or nursing session per day over the course of a few days. An example of this would be if you usually pump for 15 minutes, then the first day you begin weaning by lessening, you may only pump 12 minutes at your noon session. The next day maybe you try only pumping for 10 minutes at the same session. But maybe that was a little tougher, so you keep it at 10 minutes for another day or so, and then take it down to 5 minutes. Then eventually you drop it all together. You are slowly shaving time as you are able. Some people can shave off time quickly, while some need more time. Do what works for you.
For nursing moms, an example might be that at the noon nursing session, when they usually nurse for 10 minutes, try unlatching around 5-7 minutes. Then give baby a bottle top off instead. Then the next day, spend even less time nursing. After that, just give baby a bottle instead of offering the breast. And if baby is older and does not need a bottle replacement feed, you can use a distraction method instead (milk/snack, toys, walk, books, snuggling). This can look so different for everyone, this is just an example of what it could look like to use the lessening method of weaning. You can adjust this method to fit your and your baby’s needs.
“don’t offer, don’t refuse”
I want to leave you with a weaning takeaway that I found to be helpful in cases where weaning can be on our/baby’s terms (not a medical need). That is the phrase “don't offer, don't refuse”. When weaning, we are eliminating and not offering a nursing session- “don't offer”, but we are not refusing if baby needs it and they’re not taking the bottle because they're sick, teething, needing closeness, etc.- “don't refuse”. Another thing to remember is that distance can actually delay weaning. We may think we need to separate from our baby when eliminating a session, but this sometimes can make our baby want us even more. You can foster closeness in different ways during the time you would have spent nursing. Rocking, snuggling, or reading books with them in our laps during that time is a great way to continue providing the closeness that once came from nursing.
I have dealt with harder weaning transitions with two of my babies. Lou took really well to having a snack and a cup of milk as a distraction method. But I would set her down with her snack and milk and go do dishes or something in the kitchen and she’d start getting fussy. I'd be thinking “What's going on here?” Once I started just sitting on the couch with her during that time, she was so much happier. It went from “oh my gosh she's so fussy! I can't seem to set her down”, to realizing that she still wanted that connection and closeness that had previously come from our nursing session. Then with Teddy, he was not willing to take a snack and a cup of milk as a distraction, instead, I found he wanted to be rocked and held. At first, I tried to have my husband, Mark, put him down for his nap when we weaned from his before-nap nursing session, but that was not going well (at all!). I wasn't thinking about Teddy just wanting to be close to me, craving the closeness we were sharing during that time. Once I started taking him up to his room, rocking with him, and reading a book as a distraction before nap time, it helped tremendously and made the weaning transition much smoother.
